Arguably the greatest sports commentator ever, certainly the greatest rugby commentator, Bill McLaren, known as ‘The Voice Of Rugby’ believed passionately in sport and sportsmanship. Last week’s 15 Quotes from Bill covered Celebrations, Fisticuffs, Tough Guys & some Big Boys. This week we continue with Big Boys. Here are the next 15 unique quotes from Bill McLaren:
On French forward, Cristian Califano, ‘built like a bicycle shed’
“And there’s Beaumont in that English scrum looking like a man who enjoys his food …”
“There’s a few stone o’ Border beef in that scrum”
“There goes 18 stones of prime Scottish beef on the hoof” (anyone know who Bill is referring to here?)
“138KG of prime South African beef” referring to the Springbok’s heaviest player ever, Flippie van der Merwe.
With reference to Moss Keane – “prime Irish beef”?
On Jonah Lomu “It’s like trying to tackle a snooker table!”
“Now I’m not a hodman, but if I saw Jonah Lomu running at me I’d be putting down bricks, I’ll tell you.” [on Jonah Lomu]
On Victor Ubogu’s behind – England v South Africa. Big Victor Ubogu had his shorts ripped to shreds in a frantic ruck and as he bent down to change them right in front of the camera – his big behind came into view, Bill’s dulcet tones rang out “A splendid rear-view there!” The whole pub erupted with laughter.
Rucking
“Burrowing like a giant mole”
Running (can anyone tell us who Bill was referring to here?)
“He could sidestep 3 men in a telephone box”
“He’s like a slippery salmon.”
“He’s like a whirling tsetse fly!”
“He’s like a demented ferret up a wee drainpipe.”
“He’s as quick as a trout up a burn.”
On Scotland’s towering Doddie Weir running with the ball, “like a run-away giraffe.”
On Ireland’s Simon Geoghegan, Irish winger “He’s like Bambi on speed.”
On NZ’s Grant Batty: “He plays like a runaway bullet.”
On SA’s Carel Du Plessis the “prince of left wings.”
The late great, Bill McLaren was simply the world’s best rugby commentator ever. He was known as ‘The Voice Of Rugby’. Bill believed in sportsmanship – shaking hands, thanking the ref, respect, fun and, of course, competition. He loved the characters in the game. His unique descriptions and authoritive voice added so much excitement, intrigue and enthral. 
His spirit lives on here in this blog and in The Bill McLaren Foundation. We were honoured when Bill’s daughter, Linda, wrote a beautiful piece for last week’s post. This week Ollie Campbell (Ireland & Lions fly half) told me that just the mention of Bill McLaren’s name brings great memories gushing back.
All 60 Of The Best quotes are categorised as follows:
Celebrations x 1; Fisticuffs x 3; Tough Guys x 5; Big Boys x15; Running x 12; Passing x 1; Kicking x 10; Jumping x 4; Weather x 2; Absolute Classic McLaren x 5; Looking Back x 2 Encouraging students x 1; Sportsmanship x 1
Bill Mclaren Quotes Part 1 includes quotes about Celebrations; Fisticuffs; Tough Guys; Big Guys and also a beautiful piece written by Bill’s daughter, Linda, specifically for us.
Bill Mclaren Quotes Part 3 about Runners (& jinkers); Passing; Kicking and Lineout Jumping (15 x Quotes)
Bill Mclaren Quotes Part 4 Line-Out jumping (continued), Weather Conditions, Classic Mclaren, Looking Back (15 x Quotes)
Bill McLaren’s spirit lives on – here in this blog and in The Bill McLaren Foundation.
Please
(a) Send us any Bill McLaren quotes you recall (add them below in the ‘Leave a Reply’ box at the very end of other comments) and/or
(b) Tell us what Bill’s commentaries meant to you (add them below in the ‘Leave a Reply’ box at the very end of other comments) and/or
(c) Find someone who loves rugby and send this link as a surprise gift (birthday, Christmas or any time just because you love them). It doesn’t have to be someone who actually heard Bill. Younger rugby lovers marvel at Bill’s turn of phrase, his sense of sportsmanship and camaraderie and if you listen to Bill’s actual voice in the audio clip in the first post, they get a feel for the sheer excitement created when you hear his unique voice – ‘the voice of rugby’ as the late great Bill McLaren was called.
“He’s like Bambi on speed.” What a description of one of Ireland’s greatest wingers. Commentators today cannot match the wit and the speed of his comments.
Regarding “He could sidestep 3 men in a telephone box” would this be a welsh wizard, Barry John?
… sidestep 3 men in a phonebox? Barry John, yes, maybe. Definitely one of the Welsh greats from that era – think I’d go for Gareth Edwards, Gerald Davies or the phenomenal Phil Bennett.
Well, no dancing in the streets of Hawick tonight but Scotland were unlucky to lose by a 14 pt margin. Pity they couldn’t get over for that second try.
Bill McLaren, a gentleman with passion and a rare gift for description. No one will ever evoke the spirit of Rugby like Bill.
I thought the telephone box line was about Robert Jones….
@Rich – am not sure could be Jones, or @Brendan could be Phil Bennet or Gerald Davies who could also jink. I think the jink is dying in modern rugby – certainly the Welsh are trying to keep it alive – let’s hope it’s never lost. Anyone else know for sure who Bill was referring to when he said “He could sidestep 3 men in a telephone box” ?
Who would even think, let alone say, something like this on live TV? The Late Great Bill McLaren did!
Just discovered this site… I recall that a touch kick from one great home nation full back possibly Gavin Hastings or Paul Thorburn (?) was described as being ”like a siege gun..”
I recall that Bill M often used the phrase ”now did ye notice..” when he was getting comment from Beaumont and referred to modern rugby boots as ”carpet slippers” ….Brings back such fond memories of watching 5 nations as it was then with my old man..priceless
Brilliant Jasen I’d forgotten ‘did ye notice?’ which was such a great way of grabbing your attention and generating the option for something trivial or intriguing. No matter what it was – you couldn’t wait to hear what he had to say whenever he said that! Re carpet slippers he’s right. I reckon that’s why there are so many metatarsal injuries since many boots – particularly football boots are so thin they offer no protection whatsoever.
‘Siege Gun’ – a gem. Thanks v much Jasen, keep them coming. Don’t forget, firstly, there’s lots of rugby stories (scroll down the right hand side to see ‘rugby’ in the categories) and secondly, there are 4 separate posts containing Bill’s Quotes. Please do pass the word on so many more people can enjoy the spirit of the late great Bill McLaren.
Sidestep in a phonebox was referring to Robert Jones (Welsh scrum half)
Nice one Richard – I heard a commentator, this weekend (15/2/15), actually try to use Bill’s exquisite expression.
I have always remembered and loved the description of the French prop “Paparembourde rumbling upfield”
That’s a peach Peter. You can almost hear cattle rumbling …except it’s a big prop coming! Bill McLarens words painted pictures , in fact they still do today – just the words on their own.
Actually just last Friday when the Welsh ginger prop burst over the line for a great try against Ireland – he was smiling as he ran over the line and continued smiling whilst lying on the ground – that smile was was uniquely wonderful. I did think Bill McLaren would have loved seeing that and he would have added some words to help us remember it forever.
In fact the Welsh prop’s try reminded me of our own prop Ginger McGloughlin scoring in Twickenham (in 1982) & claiming he had to pull the whole Irish pack over the line with him!!- Props are a special species. God Bless them all. And thanks for your comment about Paparembourde.